CRAZY LARRY AND THE HARROWING EXPERIENCE

Will Wonders Never Cease

Crazy Larry lives across the road from me in a bamboo forest on 2 acres. His house cannot be seen. No one, aside from the mailpersons, would even know there is a house back there.

My husband had lived here since 1996 so he knew. I didn't arrive on the scene until 2013. My husband is the one who always referred to him as Crazy Larry. Bill would come home and say, "Oh, I just ran into Crazy Larry walking down the road" or "Oh, Crazy Larry said…" this or that." I never asked Bill why he called him crazy but the one time we ran into him together Larry didn't seem to me to be actually crazy at all.

Anyway...my husband was not well for a long while and one day I looked out the window and saw a man walking the long approach to our home. "Who is that?" I asked Bill. "It's Crazy Larry!" he said. So…my husband went outside and he and Crazy Larry sat on the front porch and chatted for a little while.

A few weeks later, here came Crazy Larry walking up the field again. Bill wasn't feeling well so I ran out to meet him halfway and explained that Bill just wasn't up to a chat that day. We spoke for a few minutes and I realized Larry REALLY wasn't crazy. He just had been through hell with cancer and blah, blah, blah and he was a nice man.

Then my husband left this world.

One day as I was down by the front gate, Crazy Larry pulled over in his truck. I told him about Bill's passing and he was very sorry to hear. Then…Crazy Larry started stopping by to see ME.

The first time I had been out to the Dollar General and came home to find him sitting on the side porch talking with my handyman all about fishing. Jon was enjoying his conversation with Larry very much. I unloaded my car and then sat with Larry on the front porch for a little while but I had a lot to do. I got him in my car, with the dogs, and drove him back to the bamboo forest's entrance which had a gate bearing a sign saying "Authorized Personnel Only" and "No Trespassing."

Then, a few days later, Crazy Larry was knocking on my door again. I was in the middle of a lot of things, apologized and said I just couldn't talk to him that day. But in my mind I was thinking "what is going on here…holy shlit."

Then, he came by AGAIN. I just couldn't talk. So many things going on over here. Phone calls, internet issues, a million things! He said, "OKAY," as he handed me a slip of paper. "Here's my phone number. I only have a landline."

And that was that. Until today.

Look. Crazy Larry isn't crazy and he does seem like a very nice man. I am just not interested in a deeper relationship with this very nice man. I'm just not. Neighborly = good. Anything else = not so good.

SIGH.

Fast forward to today.

I was sitting at the kitchen table, looked down and realized Dexter was not under the neighboring chair anymore. This is Dexter.

I like to leave the front door open to catch the breeze but this is foolish. Why? Because Dexter does his disappearing act. I always jump up and run frantically outside looking for him and sometimes he's right there just lying on the porch in the sun or, worst case, he has gone off into the brush after the scent of who knows what. A shake of the treat jar is usually sufficient to get him back to me posthaste.

Not today.

Meanwhile, the big dog, Wyatt, always comes to tell me: Dexter's gone. Dexter's gone. Dexter's gone.

I ran outside shaking the treat jar to no avail. Wyatt came out and to my HORROR started running way, way down to the front gate! I looked way, way down there and, to my escalating horror, there was Dexter! By the front gate! Mere feet from the ROAD. The ROAD is 2 acres from my front door.

I RAN. Shaking the treat jar, screaming "Dexter! Dexter! Dexter!" to no avail. Wyatt ran speedily ahead of me to head Dexter off at the pass but that didn't work either.

I can't run anymore. I should have taken the car. But I was panicking. And then! Dexter made a left onto the side of the road and all I could envision was a car racing down the road and whacking him.

I reached the road, PANTING. I saw him. And then, miraculously, I also saw Crazy Larry walking in my direction. I couldn't even breathe. I knew Dexter loves people and I said, thank you Lord, for putting Crazy Larry in our path. I couldn't breathe but I managed to scoop up Dexter (who had run across the road) and then I practically fell down. I didn't but I couldn't talk. My heart must be good because this was truly a heart attack waiting in the wings. I just handed Crazy Larry the treat jar and whispered a few words.

Crazy Larry accompanied me back to the house. We had tea and Christmas cookies together. We had a nice chat about many things INCLUDING genetically mutated foods of all topics. He is smart. And then he told me a nymphomaniac joke and he was kind of looking at me funny and I thought, I think it's time for him to leave for the day.

I wished him a Merry Christmas and saw him off.

But dear God. I have no idea what would have happened if Crazy Larry had not been walking towards me at that exact moment in time. Someone, somewhere, is looking out for me. And for Dexter. And, I guess, for Crazy Larry, too.

By the way. Dexter knows he was a bad dog. Before I snapped these photos he was turned around facing the corner, totally ashamed. As he should be.

Please do not ask me why I can’t make these photos smaller because I do not know.

Anyway, Praise the Lord and Merry Christmas to all creatures great and small.

God bless Crazy Larry.

AMEN.

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